12 dog separation anxiety myths — and what the evidence says
“They're punishing me.” “You spoiled them.” “Get another dog.” “Just crate them.” The most common claims about separation anxiety, checked against the research — with a verdict for each.
The internet is full of confident advice about separation anxiety. Here’s what the evidence says about the most common claims.
1. “My dog is doing it to punish me.”
Dogs with separation problems show measurable distress: higher stress-linked hormones after separation (Pirrone et al., 2019), lower heart-rate variability (Wormald et al., 2017), and a more pessimistic outlook in mood tests (Karagiannis et al., 2015). Welfare organizations are clear these are distress responses, not spite (ASPCA). Verdict: false.
2. “I spoiled my dog, and that’s why.”
In a study of 200 dogs with separation anxiety and 200 with other problems, spoiling activities were not associated with separation anxiety (Flannigan & Dodman, 2001). Dogs with separation anxiety don’t seek more contact than other dogs (Parthasarathy & Crowell-Davis, 2006). Verdict: false. The bond between you is a strength.
3. “Get another dog — they’ll keep each other company.”
Other pets weren’t associated with separation anxiety in the 400-dog study (Flannigan & Dodman, 2001), and vets disagree on the advice (Shalvey et al., 2019). Some dogs settle with any company; others need one specific person (VCA Animal Hospitals). Verdict: unreliable. Test it first.
4. “Crate them and let them cry it out.”
Some dogs are comfortable in a crate (Dale et al., 2024), but some have confinement distress (Ballantyne, 2018). Welfare organizations advise against crating a distressed dog and against “crying it out” (ASPCA; RSPCA). Verdict: depends on the dog — never force a panicking dog to stay confined.
5. “Ignore your dog when you leave and come home.”
Calm, friendly contact on reunion raised oxytocin and lowered cortisol more than ignoring (Rehn et al., 2014). Behaviorists: don’t ignore, don’t fuss (VCA Animal Hospitals). Verdict: half-true. Calm and brief, yes. Cold, no.
6. “Punish the mess so they learn.”
Your dog can’t connect punishment with something that happened earlier, and it makes the next absence more frightening (RSPCA). Aversive methods are linked to more stress and more behavior problems (Vieira et al., 2020; Dodman et al., 2018; Hiby et al., 2004). Verdict: false — and harmful.
7. “A bark or shock collar will stop it.”
No advantage for electronic collars, and more signs of stress (China et al., 2020; Cooper et al., 2014). Vet bodies say devices causing pain or discomfort shouldn’t be used (FVE/WSAVA 2024). Verdict: false — and harmful.
8. “Just tire them out.”
Less exercise goes along with more anxiety in surveys (Tiira & Lohi, 2015; de et al., 2025) — correlations, not a cure. Verdict: helpful, not a cure.
9. “A calming vest, diffuser or supplement will fix it.”
Weak evidence for wraps (Mathis et al., 2024), insufficient evidence for pheromones (Frank et al., 2010), and alternative products unlikely to be enough alone (Riemer, 2023). Verdict: unlikely on its own.
10. “Special music for dogs works better.”
No extra benefit over ordinary classical music in a review of nine studies (Lindig et al., 2020). Verdict: false.
11. “Most dogs have separation anxiety.”
A widely shared 85.9% figure came from methods that exaggerate; re-analyzed properly, moderate-to-severe separation-related behavior was 9.3% (Serpell & Powell, 2026). Other careful studies land around 17–22% depending on definitions (Tiira et al., 2016; Harvey et al., 2022). Verdict: false — but still very common.
12. “They’ll grow out of it.”
Some new-home separation behavior settles (Bohland et al., 2023), but dogs with existing problems got worse when routines changed (Sherwell et al., 2023), and specialists urge treatment at the first sign (Sherman & Mills, 2008). Verdict: don’t count on it.
And the “3-3-3” and “7-7-7” rules?
They’re popular rules of thumb for settling in new dogs, not research findings. For separation anxiety, the principle with evidence behind it is simpler: find your dog’s number, stay below it, grow it slowly (ASPCA; Butler et al., 2011).
Free starter guideFind your dog’s numberThe complete threshold-test chapter, the five rules and the Quick-Start Card. Free PDF.Get the free guide →Common questions
What not to do with dog separation anxiety?
Don't punish accidents or damage, don't use shock or bark collars, don't leave your dog to 'cry it out' in a crate, and don't leave your dog alone for longer than they can cope with while you train. Going too fast is the most common mistake.
What is the 7-7-7 rule for dogs?
Like the 3-3-3 rule, it's a popular rule of thumb rather than a research finding. For separation anxiety, the evidence-based principle is simpler: keep practice absences below the point where your dog becomes upset, and grow them slowly.
Do dogs know you're coming back?
We can't ask them — but we can see how they cope. Dogs without separation problems mostly rest when left, while dogs with separation problems show measurable distress. Many short absences that always end with your return are how dogs learn that being alone is safe.
Stop guessing how long to leave your dog.
An 82-page illustrated guide, a fillable workbook, an Excel tracker that tells you what to do after every session, and a one-page card for the fridge. 111 cited sources.